


The Safest Secret

by Lampshadez



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-11-12 16:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18014585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lampshadez/pseuds/Lampshadez
Summary: Felicity hates the thought as soon as it comes into her head, but she knew it was true - the safest way to be related to Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow, was to not be.  People in his family were targets.  But someone couldn't be a target if no one knows they exist.Or, how no one knows about Mia.  Set post-7x14.Chapter 1 deals with the above, chapters beyond that are basically one shots set in the world established by chapter 1.  Some fluffy, some angsty, who knows.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've had the idea that Felicity thinks the safest thing for the baby is for them to be a secret bouncing around in my head since 7x13. I wasn't going to write anything but then I watched 7x14 and for some reason ended up with this. Enjoy!
> 
> Also just an upfront disclaimer - I've kind of been in and out of watching Arrow. I haven't seen all of this season but I've seen a lot of the past stuff and most of this season. I used the character wiki pages to fill in the gaps and I only wrote characters I felt familiar enough with but yeah if there's any glaring mistake please let me know!
> 
> Otherwise, please let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading!

“You’re pregnant?” Oliver said.  It wasn’t really a question but more of a statement of disbelief.

“Yeah,” Felicity said quietly, holding him close.

It was strange, she was holding on to him so tightly, she didn’t want to let go.  And Oliver had his arms around her, clearly with no plans of letting go either, but he was holding her so gently.  For as long as he had known her, Felicity was the thing he was most afraid of breaking, of hurting.  He, in that moment, had never felt so afraid and so happy in his life.

“I love you, Felicity,” Oliver said, something like a laugh in his voice.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Felicity said.  Her voice was still quiet, her grip on Oliver just as tight.

Oliver could tell she was scared.  He thought she was happy, he thought he saw her smile and he thought she was okay with this but his doubts were starting to creep in.

He went to pull back, but Felicity wouldn’t let him.  He laughed to himself.

“Felicity, I’m going to need my neck if we’re having a baby.”

Felicity immediately loosened up, not having realized her arms had drifted so close to his neck.  She dropped them down, keeping them around his waist and with him at arm’s length.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Oliver said.  He was still smiling wide.  The sight of Felicity with tears in her eyes made tears spring to his own.  “Are you alright with this?”

Felicity nodded immediately.  “Yes.”  She was sure of that.  Part of why it took so long to tell Oliver was because she wasn’t sure.  She was scared, she was so scared that she didn’t let herself think of anything else.  She didn’t let herself think about what she wanted or what she thought was best.  She was consumed with fear of Diaz, of the fear that she’d lose what she loved.

But she’d learned a lot over the past few days.  She learned she was stronger than she thought, and in ways she didn’t expect.  She knew on some level that killing Diaz wasn’t the right way.  She knew that it was the quickest way, that killing him eliminated a problem that she was terrified that she was going to have to live with. 

Then it clicked – protecting her family wasn’t something she could achieve with one big move.  There was always going to be another threat, no matter how much that scared her.  She realized the fresh start her family needed wasn’t going to come on the heels of Diaz’s death, it was going to be a choice.

And this was her choice.  Sparing Diaz, walking away while she still could, was her choice.  Leaning in to the fear that she couldn’t protect her family, instead of running from it, was a choice.  Having this baby was a choice.  She thought about her options and none of them were bad.  But it was clear some took her down the same path she was barreling down, and some could break her free of the cycle of fear they were in.

She knew she wasn’t the person she was when they first encountered Diaz.  She wasn’t the person she was when Oliver went to Slabside and she wasn’t the person she was when he came back.  None of them were.

She knew Oliver held on to who she was before he left.  He had come around to who she was now.  It hadn’t occurred to her that maybe she hadn’t. 

She realized in the past two days that she wasn’t just running scared from Diaz, she was winning.  Every day she spent living, every thought she had that wasn’t about Diaz, every breath she took meant she was beating Diaz.  That she was surviving.  She was living.

Felicity Smoak was done sleeping with one eye open.  She was done living with one hand tied behind her back, with the constantly looking over her shoulder.  There was no finish line, there was no point where they’d be entirely safe.

She had herself.  She had Oliver.  He had made it clear that he was there no matter what, that he supported her no matter what.  She had Diggle and Laurel and their friends.  They weren’t alone and everyone had their lives.  Felicity deserved to have hers.

“I’m really alright with this,” Felicity said.  She smiled a bit.  “I mean, I’m scared out of my mind but it’s nice to be scared about something good for once, you know?”

Oliver wiped a tear from her cheek.  “I know.”

“Are you good with this?” Felicity asked.  Her voice was quiet again.  That was part of this fresh start – feeling her fear, letting it happen and dealing with it.

“Yes,” Oliver said immediately.  “I’m so good with this, Felicity.  I know things are…hectic right now but I want this with you.”

Felicity smiled.

Oliver leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“How are you?” he asked.

“I’m good,” Felicity said.  “It’s still really early, like so early that Dr. Schwartz said I still probably won’t feel any different for a little while, despite the fact that I’ve definitely made a good dent in the Star City snack supply and-.”

She cut herself off.  Oliver was just smiling at her, like he was going to laugh but not at her.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said.  “You’re incredible.”

Felicity smirked a bit.  “Yeah, I guess two pints of mint chip in two days is kind of impressive.”

Oliver did laugh now.  “Not that.  This.  You’re pregnant, Felicity.  With our child.”

Felicity looked at him hard.  She knew Oliver was going to feel very strongly, which in turn was only going to make her more emotional.

“I mean, it was an accident,” she said, voice quiet again but trying to make jokes.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get this,” Oliver said.  “I didn’t think I’d love someone like I loved you and be loved back by…by someone who is so, so incredible.  And _this._   I didn’t think I’d get this, especially after I…”  He cleared his throat, but he couldn’t stop the tear falling down his cheek.  “After I missed all this with William.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”  This is why she tried to joke around.  She knew that things could get very dark for Oliver and she wanted to avoid that. 

Oliver just sort of nodded.  He didn’t entirely agree, but this wasn’t the time to rehash that.  He’d spent the years that he’d known William navigating his guilt, and he thought he was doing better. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said confidently.  “I will be here for everything, I promise.”

“I know,” Felicity said.  This was another part of why she was scared to tell him.  William just left, she didn’t want to bring all this up for him right now.  She pulled him a bit closer.  “Hey, I know.”

Oliver smiled a bit.

“And for what it’s worth, I didn’t think I’d get this either,” Felicity said.  She laughed.  “Literally, I did not think growing up in Vegas with my parents how they are that I’d get this, the whole husband and kids thing, let alone the whole crime fighter thing.  I didn’t think I could be this happy.”

Oliver smiled wider now.  “A fresh start.”

“A fresh start,” Felicity agreed, kissing him.

**\--**

Felicity didn’t have a nightmare about Diaz that night.  She had not quite gotten used to them, but definitely expected them at that point.  But that night, she slept soundly.

She only woke up, in fact, because she turned in her sleep and almost kneed Oliver in the face.

“What?” she asked sleepily.  It took her a second, but she realized what was going on.  Oliver had been further down in the bed with his face near her stomach.  “Did something happen to your pillow to make you use me instead?”

“I wasn’t asleep.”  He sat up and made sure his nose wasn’t bleeding.

“What were you doing?”

“Having a chat.”

“With my kidneys?” Felicity yawned.

“With the baby.”

“It’s lower down,” Felicity said sleepily, propping herself up on her elbows so she could talk to Oliver anyway.  “And it doesn’t have ears yet.”

“Right.”  He nodded, accepting defeat.  “Go back to sleep, sorry to wake you.”

“No, what were you going to say?”

Oliver smirked a bit.  “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Felicity laughed a bit.  She couldn’t remember the last time she and Oliver had an early morning like this. There was still time until Oliver usually got up for a workout before work.  They’d spent a lot of time in their bed since Oliver had been back, but not much like this – the two of them, alone, before the rest of the world was awake and they had to live their lives.  This time, this space, it was theirs.

Or it was, anyway, before Oliver decided to have conversations that didn’t include Felicity there.  She didn’t mind.

“What are you doing up anyway?” Felicity asked.  “Everything I’ve been reading says we should enjoy getting sleep while we can.”

“I’ve been doing some reading, too,” Oliver said.  “And I read that babies can hear in the womb.”

“So, what,” Felicity asked, cracking a bemused grin.  “You were introducing yourself?”

“Yeah,” Oliver said, blushing a bit.  “Though I probably should have waited until the baby actually has ears.”

“It’s an idea.”

“Sorry to wake you,” Oliver said.  “Go back to sleep.”

“It’s okay,” Felicity said.  “This was very cute, you know that?”

Oliver blushed harder, but he shrugged anyway.  “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine."

“Is it weird?” Oliver said.  “It feels a little weird.”

“It’s cute,” Felicity repeated.  She frowned a bit.  “But, yeah, waking up to my husband talking to my uterus via my kidneys is a bit…new.”

“It’s weird.”

“It’s not what I expected to wake up to,” Felicity said.  She didn’t want to make him feel bad, she understood that this is new and weird and a lot for both of them.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Felicity repeated.  “Really.  This is all…very new.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You don’t,” Felicity said quickly.  It was true, he didn’t.  She sighed.  “You know what I did last night while I was waiting for you to come home?”

“Ate ice cream?”

“Bought a bunch of new bras online,” Felicity said.  “None of mine fit anymore.”

Oliver wasn’t sure what to say to that.  “Okay…”

“I don’t feel any different yet but I am different and that’s weird,” Felicity said.  “There is someone else in my body and that’s _weird_.  You are not making me uncomfortable – at all – but I am.  I know I’ve had more time with this than you have but I’m still getting used to it.”

“I understand,” Oliver said.  “I’m sorry.  I won’t talk to your kidneys again, I promise.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said.  “And in the future, maybe a bit of a heads up when you talk to the baby.”

Oliver nodded, grinning.  “Got it.”

“And keep your comments about the bra thing to yourself,” Felicity said.

Oliver’s grin got wider.  “I didn’t say a word.”

“I’m going back to sleep,” she said.

“Okay,” Oliver.  He kissed her.  “Good night.”

**\--**

“Hey,” Oliver said as he walked in the door that night.

“Hey,” Felicity said, looking up from the dinner she was cooking.  “How was work?”

Oliver just sighed in response.  “Have you heard from William?”

“No,” Felicity said.  “I’m sorry.  I’ve texted, I’ve called, nothing.  Still nothing with you?”

Oliver shook his head.  “I don’t understand, he didn’t seem angry when he left.  He seemed okay and I thought we were really making progress.”

“You were,” Felicity said.  “He’s going through a lot.  He knows you’re there for him, he knows he has a home in Star City.”

“At this point, I just want to know that he’s okay.”

“He is,” Felicity said.  “He’s only been in his new school for a week but he’s already had a math test and he got a 93.”

“Felicity…”

She shrugged.  She didn’t offer an explanation of how she knew that, but Oliver could guess that the school’s computer system wasn’t enough to keep Felicity out.  “I just wanted to make sure he’s actually at his school.  If he needs space, he should have it.  He’ll come around.  The important thing is he’s okay.”

Oliver nodded.  “Right.”

“I’m sure something will bring us to Central City soon,” Felicity said.  “And in the meantime, he’s doing okay.  He’s in school, he’s in a stable environment, he’s got every vigilante and half the police in Central City keeping an eye on him.”

Oliver’s jaw was clenched tight.  “A stable environment.”

Felicity could guess where this was going.  It was a fine line they walked – they knew it wasn’t safe for William to be with them, but somehow was going to be alright for the baby?  They hadn’t quite figured out how.  They knew the situation with William was different – he didn’t grow up with them, he lost his mother and had only known Oliver a few years.  He had grandparents and an established life somewhere else.

Still, it hurt to know that William wasn’t with them, and it hurt in ways they couldn’t quite understand that he was somewhere else while their other child, his sibling, was going to be with them.

But neither of them wanted to address it, even though they knew they should.  Oliver wanted to talk about it but he didn’t want to stress out Felicity.  And Felicity had something she thought was a solution, but she knew Oliver wouldn’t love it.

“Diaz is in prison, it is already safer here,” Felicity said.  “And if William can stay in one school for the rest of the year, that’s best.  He can make friends, he can get settled, and we can visit him and he can come here in the summer.”

Oliver nodded.  That was one way they avoided really having this conversation – school was something that would only apply to William and not the baby for a few years.

“You’re right,” Oliver said.  “It’s different and we’re doing the best we can for each of them.”

Felicity nodded.  That was true, that was always going to be true.

“Always,” she agreed.

Oliver put his bag down where he usually did and joined Felicity in the kitchen.  “Can I help?”

“No,” she said.  “I’ve got it.”

So, he sat at the counter and watched her cook.

“How was your day?”

“Good,” Felicity said.  “I worked on my business plan.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been thinking, I’ve gotten really good at hacking and cyber security and all that lately.”

“You’ve always been good at that,” Oliver laughed.

“No, really,” Felicity said.  “Like, I’m way better than I’ve ever been.  The other day with Laurel, in just like, six hours I-.”

She cut herself off.

“Never mind. Point is, I’m really good.  And for so much of my professional life I’ve been working for someone else.”  She looked up from the sauce she was stirring.  “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved it.  But I think it’s time I work for me.”

Oliver smiled widely.  “I think that’s an excellent idea.”

“Curtis left me control of Helix and I could make it something bigger, something more, which has been a dream of mine-.”

“Felicity,” Oliver cut in, still smiling.  “It’s a great idea.  That sounds perfect for you.”

“Really?”

Oliver nodded.  “Yes.”

Felicity smiled.  “I know the timing’s not _great_ but building up Helix is going to be easier than starting from scratch.”

“I agree.  Is there anyway I can help?”

Felicity kind of frowned a bit.  “I want to do it on my own.  No offense, I know you still have tons of business connections and security connections and basically all sorts of connections.”

“I’m sure your connections are more useful than mine,” Oliver said.  He was still smiling; he was so proud of her.  “You’re going to be so good at this.”

“Yeah, here’s hoping.”

“Seriously, Felicity,” he said in a tone that made her look up.  “I’m sure in five years, Helix is going to be the industry leader.”

Felicity made a face.  “I’m thinking of a name change.”

“Well, either way.  People are going to know the name Felicity Smoak and they’re going to know your work.”

Felicity smiled.  “Thanks, babe.”  She exhaled deeply.  “You don’t think it’s kind of…ambitious?  I mean, how many people get pregnant and immediately start planning the massive expansion of their company?”

“I can think of one.”

Felicity softened a bit, but not much.

“Felicity,” Oliver continued.  “I don’t think there is anything you can’t do.  You’re going to be so good at all of this.”

She smiled a bit.  “Fresh start, right?”

Oliver smiled in agreement.  “Fresh start.”

Felicity felt better.  She didn’t really doubt herself, but she was maybe a little daunted by the scale of everything.  There were major changes happening at once and it was a lot.  But having her own technology company had been her dream for years.  Expanding her family with Oliver was a dream.  The opportunities were there, she was going to take them.

“So, are we going to get to Vegas?” Oliver asked as he watched Felicity plate their dinner.

“Why would we go to Vegas?”

“To see your mom.”

Felicity looked at him as she placed a plate in front of him.  “Right.”

“What?

 “I didn’t know you wanted to go to Vegas.”

“Or your mother can come here,” Oliver said.  “I just thought you’d want to see her soon.”

“Not that soon.”

“I know, we’re not going to tell anyone for a while,” Oliver said.  “But isn’t family an exception?”

Felicity put her plate down in front of the seat next to him but didn’t move from where she was standing on the other side of the counter.  They didn’t often find themselves in this position; Oliver was definitely the cook of the family.  But she had a productive day, she was in a productive mood.  Beside that, cooking took her mind off what she wanted to talk to Oliver about.

“I think we should keep it quieter.”

“Okay,” Oliver said.  He could tell something was off.  “So we wait longer than the three months.  I’m cool with that.”

Felicity was clenching her jaw now.  She believed in what she was going to say, but she knew Oliver wasn’t going to like it.  She wished she didn’t have to say it, she wished it wasn’t how she felt.

“That’s not exactly what I mean,” she said.  “I think we need to keep it quieter for a while.  I think it’s the best way to keep us all safe, as safe as we can be for as long as possible.”

“Keep it quieter or keep it _quiet_?”

Felicity finally broke her gaze at her husband.  “Keep it quiet,” she admitted.

Oliver’s eyebrows shot up.  “You don’t want to tell anyone?”

“I don’t think we should tell anyone else, no.”

“Else?  Who knows?”

“Laurel.” 

This was something Felicity had settled on.  It was part of her shift lately, the one that ended her crusade for Diaz’s death.  She didn’t want to kill him, she didn’t want to kill anyone.  She wasn’t going to.  But she also was determined that she wasn’t going to expose her family to any more danger than absolutely necessary.

“Why does Laurel know?”  Oliver’s voice was less conversational and getting more stern.

“I did not tell her,” Felicity said, pointing to make her point.  “She honestly guessed.”

“She _guessed_?”

“Yes, she guessed,” Felicity said.  “I kept going on and on about how I needed to protect my family, I wasn’t drinking, I basically had those fancy chocolates from the place up the street on an IV for the past week.  She figured it out.”

“Laurel, who is literally from another planet, guessed, and you think we can hide it from everyone we know?”

“What I think is that we’re lucky Laurel’s a friend-.”  Oliver rolled his eyes and Felicity ignored it.  “And she’s the only one who noticed.”

“You want to hide it from everyone we know?” Oliver repeated.

“What?” Felicity asked.  She didn’t think that was what he was going to jump on.  “I - no.  It’s not like that.”

“What’s it like, then?”

“The fewer people know, the safer we are.”

“Felicity, I’m sorry, but this sounds like hiding-.”

“Oh, it is not hiding.  You made damn sure we’re not hiding when you told the whole world that you’re the Green Arrow.”

Oliver sat back, stunned.  “I thought we talked this through, I thought we were past this.”

“I'm past you doing that to me,” Felicity said.  “I understand why you did it, I always have, but understanding doesn’t mean it was a good idea.  You endangered all of us, forever, when you turned yourself in.”

“I don’t know how to apologize for that again-.”

“I’m not asking for an apology!” Felicity yelled.  She lowered her voice as she kept speaking, but not much.  “An apology doesn’t fix that our lives are so much different now.  People were always going to want to come after the Green Arrow and his family, we know that, but this is beyond that.  _Everyone_ knows who you are and who I am.  Oliver, you can Google your name and find where William goes to school!”

“Felicity-.”

“I take down those articles as soon as they come up, I wrote a hack to do it automatically,” Felicity said.  “But the danger you put us in is bigger than me constantly updating the security system in our apartment.”

Oliver understood.  He didn’t agree, but he didn’t entirely disagree.  He knew that protecting this baby was going to be different for them than it was for most parents and it was going to be different than protecting William, but he did not like Felicity’s plan.

“I know you’re not looking for an apology,” Oliver said slowly.  “But I am sorry.  I am doing my best to keep us all as safe as possible.”

“So am I.”

Oliver sighed, running a hand through his short hair.  If he really thought about it, he let himself admit that he kept it this short to remind himself that he was a different person.  He didn’t need the hair as a reminder though. Things were obviously different.

“So, we don’t tell anyone?” he said.  “How long do we keep that up for?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity admitted.  “As long as possible.”

Oliver took that in.  He wasn’t sure if he was doing to be more unnerved to hear that answer or to hear a specific time she had in mind.

He leaned forward.  There was one thought stirring in the back of his mind since Felicity first suggested this, something he didn’t want to acknowledge because it hurt so much.

He pushed it back and hoped he wouldn’t have to say it.

“How does that work, though?” he asked.  “Do we leave Star City?”

“No,” Felicity said.  “We stay.  We just don’t tell anyone I’m pregnant, to start with.”

“Anyone else.”

Felicity gave him a look.

“You don’t want to tell anyone?” he asked.  “Not your mother?”

“Of course I do,” Felicity said.  “But where’s the line?  How do we decide who we don’t trust enough to know this?”

Oliver looked down.  He could see that.  The one thing worse than not sharing any of this with their family and friends would be having to go through one by one and determine who they wouldn’t tell.

Felicity exhaled sharply.  “It’s not about trust,” she continued.  “It’s about safety.  The best way to keep something quiet is to not tell anyone.”

“And then once the baby’s born?” Oliver asked.  “Then what?”

“We do our best,” she offered, shrugging but with a desperation in her tone.  She didn’t have it all planned out, she didn’t even know if all this was possible.  But it was what she thought was best and she was going to fight for that.

“What, we just have a baby here and don’t mention it when anyone comes over?”

“I don’t know, Oliver,” Felicity said.  She sounded exhausted, and she was.  They both were.  This conversation was emotionally draining, but it was not one they could leave unfinished, not with how strongly they both felt.  “What I do know is that people are going to come for us.  Someone will want to hurt you and take the things you love.  I have been the thing that has been taken, Oliver.  I will do anything I can to prevent that for my baby.”

“I know our lives aren’t safe-.”  He hated that Felicity had been in so much danger because of him.  He hated what Will had been through already in his short life, in his short time with them.  A small part of him, growing smaller by the day but certainly still there, hated himself for letting people get close enough to him that they could be used to him.  That they could be hurt because of him.

“Do you have a better idea?” Felicity cut him off.  “Because I am not suggesting this because I love the idea, Oliver.  If you have any better idea, I am all ears.”

Oliver was silent.  He didn’t.  He knew that they’d up security, that the apartment would be as impenetrable as possible, that he’d make the city as safe as possible but there was no guarantee that it would be enough.  It hadn’t been in the past.

“I have made this apartment as safe and secure as possible and it has been broken into twice in two months,” she said.  “What we’re already doing isn’t enough.”

Oliver’s jaw was clenched tight again.  “I know.”  That idea in the back of his head was shouting now.

“If people know about this baby, it gives them another target,” she said, voice cracking.  “Even if they know I’m pregnant, it tells them that we’re distracted, that we’re vulnerable, even if we’re trying not to be.  Even if we’re really, really happy about this.”

There were tears falling down Felicity’s face now.  Oliver felt tears sting his eyes.  He felt guilt for fighting this so hard from Felicity.  She’d been fighting it since the thought first occurred to her.

He took a deep, shaky breath.  “Okay,” he said.  “We’ll keep it quiet.”

Felicity looked visibly relieved.  They stood there without moving silently, letting everything they just said settle.

Finally, Felicity moved and got a tissue to wipe her eyes.  She turned back and Oliver was still sat there, hand clenched in a tight fist as he tried to control his tears.

“Hey,” she said, going right up to him.  She wrapped him in a hug.  “I know this is really, really heavy.  I know this is hard and it’s not what we want, but…”  She didn’t know what to say.  She didn’t know what the “but” was.  She just wrapped Oliver in her arms, one hand on the back of his neck like she knew he loved and one running up and down his back in an attempt to calm him.

“I don’t want both of my children to be secrets,” he said quietly.  The dark thought in the back of his head was out in the open now.

Felicity pulled back and looked him in the eyes, but he wouldn’t hold her gaze.  The feeling of guilt gripped her.  “Oliver…”

“You’re right,” he said, sniffling but still crying.  “It is safer this way.”

“This is different,” Felicity said.  “You didn’t know about William.  Your…your mother made it so you wouldn’t know and wouldn’t be there.  She wasn’t trying to protect _him_.  By letting William go, we were protecting him. By doing this, we are protecting this baby.  And we will be here.”

Oliver nodded, but still was crying.  William being gone had really hit him hard and he hadn’t really let it out.  He thought he’d deal with it but with William freezing him out, it was hard to be okay.

Felicity kissed his forehead.  “You will be here.  You won’t miss anything, I promise.  Okay?  The whole point of this is for us to be here, so we don’t miss anything.  Our family is going to be fine.”

Oliver nodded again, but learned further onto Felicity.  He knew he couldn’t immediately make any of this feel any better, but staying there in her arms was a really good start.

**\--**

They didn’t tell anyone for weeks.  Felicity developed a penchant for baggy sweaters, though she spent so much time setting up her company that she barely had time to see any of their friends in person.

Not telling her mother was harder than she thought.  They decided to have Donna come visit sooner rather than later, just to buy time for themselves before she returned.  She asked Felicity point-blank if she was pregnant and Felicity said no.

She didn’t think she’d ever have to lie to her mother about something like that.

Otherwise, the trip went smoothly. 

They managed to keep it a secret from Thea, too.

Diggle was another story.  Diggle was like a brother to both Oliver and Felicity.  They saw him more often than they saw their other family members, too.

The thing about the three of them, though, is that they’re all smart.  They all know each other really, really well.  They don’t often take each other’s bullshit, and they are really good at catching each other’s lies.

So, one day about four months later, Diggle showed up at their door.

“Hey, John,” Oliver said, surprised to see him.  “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I’m sorry to surprise you,” he said.  “I thought it best we keep this meeting off the record.”

Felicity had been working on her laptop at the kitchen counter.  She looked over at Digg.

“Is everything okay?”

He nodded.  “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Oliver said, stepping aside so Diggle could enter.

Diggle picked up the two large boxes he’d set down in the hallway and came in.

Oliver and Felicity exchanged a look.  They hadn’t been expecting him to show up, let alone with stuff.

“What’s the occasion?” Felicity asked.

Diggle set the boxes down on the counter.

“Look, I’ve known you two a long time,” Diggle said.  “I know when you’re hiding something from me.”

Again, Oliver and Felicity exchanged a look.

“You do?” Felicity asked.

He nodded toward the boxes, letting Felicity and Oliver know they should open them.  They did.

“And I’m not judging,” Diggle said.  “I know this is hard.  I know it’s hard to keep something like this a secret.”

Oliver pulled something out of the box and held it up.  It was a baby onesie.  The box was full of baby clothes.

“John…”

Felicity looked at it and looked at Oliver, then back again.  She turned to Diggle.

“You don’t need to confirm or deny anything,” Diggle said.  “It’s none of my-.”

Felicity looked at Oliver one last time, then cut Diggle off.

“I’m pregnant,” Felicity said.  “You’re right.”

Diggle’s eyebrows went up.  He didn’t expect them to be straight with him.

“Really?” he asked.

Felicity nodded.  “Yeah.”

Diggle went over and hugged her.  Oliver smiled.  He was scared of anyone knowing, he still was.  But this made his heart hurt in the good way.  This felt right.

Diggle was different than anyone else they knew.  They weren’t related, but in some ways he was closer family than Donna and Thea. 

He left Felicity and hugged Oliver.

“That’s amazing, you guys,” he said.  “Really.”

“Thank you,” Oliver said.  He pulled back, but had a hand on Diggle’s shoulder.  “We’re not telling anyone.”

“Yeah, I caught that,” Diggle said.  “It took me two months to figure it out and be sure.”

“We just decided it’s safer for no one to know,” Felicity said.  “No one knows, not my mom, not Thea.  No one.”

“Lyla doesn’t know,” Diggle said.  “You’re hiding it really well.  I think I only figured it out because I know you so well.”

Felicity nodded.  If anyone was going to figure it out, it was going to be Diggle.  Well, it was going to be her mom, then Diggle.  She didn’t want to think about that line she and Oliver didn’t want to draw, the one that told them it was okay for Diggle to know but not for Donna.

But this felt right.  Diggle should know, and not just for the added protection.  Diggle was family.  They desperately wanted their child to have a family, and it hurt more than they could say to feel so strongly that cutting that off was the best call.  Diggle was family and he was the only one they could tell.  It didn’t feel like family without him.

“Does Lyla know you gave us all this?” Felicity asked.

“She thinks I’m donating them,” he said.  “Which I am.”

“John, we can afford clothes, we can’t accept-,” Oliver tried.

“It’s a gift.  And Lyla made it clear we’re not going to need these,” he laughed.  “So, they should go to good use.”

“Thank you, John,” Felicity said.  She smiled warmly at him.

“I understand not telling anyone,” he said.  He hadn’t just noticed that Felicity was pregnant, he noticed that they were determined to keep it secret.  “But we’re family.  I’m here if you need me, whenever you need me.  All of you.”

That was the last secret between the three of them.  Everything was all out in the air now.  Their relationships were all better than when Oliver came back from Slabside.  Things were very different, for all of them, but they had that kind of relationship that’s been flexible.  They’re always able to be the people they’re most comfortable with, the people they trust the most, the people who understand each other the most.

Oliver and Felicity knew their child was better off knowing John Diggle than not.  They knew their kid was going to be okay.


	2. Braids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I ended up having a bunch of ideas to add to this and since the show is going in a slightly different direction (just in terms of they haven't had the conversation in chapter 1 onscreen yet/at all, and also John finds out later in this story than he does on the show, and Smoak Tech here is Felicity's idea) I'm adding this to here instead of doing an separate thing. So from here on out, added chapters will be in random order as they come to me, generally covering cute and/or important things regarding Felicity's pregnancy in the established plots of this story. Pretty much unless otherwise specified, things are the same as they are on the show - for example, in this story they've done the whole PD training thing.
> 
> All this to say, I got an idea that Oliver wants to know how to braid hair and now we have this. Enjoy!

“Babe, seriously, I’m fine,” Felicity said, decidedly not fine.  “Go back to sleep.”

“I’ve got Gatorade, water, and,” Oliver tried his best to contain the face he was making, but it was so early in the morning and his hide-your-feelings function wasn’t awake yet.  “Pickle juice.”

“Okay,” Felicity said, feeling confident enough in her done-with-puking function to sit back against the wall.  “Please get me pickle juice and remember while you make that face that you’re the one that did this to me.”

Oliver laughed.  He kissed her forehead.  “One pickle juice coming up.”

Felicity nodded as that done-with-puking feeling passed.  Dr. Schwartz had warned her of this when Felicity had called her a few days earlier – Felicity had found out early that she was pregnant, like really early.  So, she was warned that it might take a while to get to the symptoms that make other people realize they’re pregnant in the first place.

Felicity liked the extra time she had, though she could have done without the poisoning and near-death experience.  It gave her time to think, to plan, to fantasize.  She thought about what the baby would be like, what being pregnant would be like, what her life would look like now.  She thought about Oliver with a baby, of William with a sibling, of all of them together in one place, finally, safe. 

She let herself daydream about a baby that looked like Oliver.  She’d seen his baby pictures – she knew it was silly, but when she pictured the baby, she kind of pictured that, baby Oliver, but with glasses, somehow.  She daydreamed about how they’d set up the baby’s room, about the bedtime stories she’d read, the lunch Oliver would pack for the first day of school.

Then she’d shut that down when it got too out of hand.  She wasn’t even sure the baby going to a real school was a possibility, at least not when they’re that young.  So, she’d shift her daydream to something else.

She wasn’t the type of person to fantasize about all this before.  She didn’t really think she’d do the whole family thing and certainly not the whole pregnancy thing.  But now, she was letting herself go there.

She had done tons of research.  She’d read books, she’d scoured the internet, she’d been on message boards of other pregnant people and read their experiences.  She identified with a lot of it – it was nice to know that she wasn’t the only one feeling like she could simultaneously go to sleep for twelve hours and also eat an entire pizza at any given moment. 

She did let herself fantasize, though, that she wouldn’t actually get morning sickness.  She felt nauseous pretty much all the time but the actual throwing up hadn’t happened.  And, despite Dr. Schwartz’s warning, she let herself get to thinking that after a month of knowing she was pregnant, that she wasn’t going to get morning sickness.

She was incorrect.

For the past week, she’d been waking up before her alarm and basically camping out on the bathroom floor.  She’d get sick for a while then feel well enough to go about her day, then get sick later, too.  She didn’t know who named it “morning sickness” but she had a few choice words for them.

“One pickle juice,” Oliver said, reappearing in the bathroom with her favorite glass full of pickle juice.

“Thank you,” Felicity said.  She took a sip, days beyond feeling like this was strange in any way.  “You know, all the stuff I’ve read online, there are tons of people who drink pickle juice when they’re pregnant.  It helps with the morning sickness.”

“I know, I read that, too.”  Oliver sat down on the floor with her.

“Really, Oliver, you don’t have to stay.”

“I want to.”

“You want to watch me throw up?” Felicity said.  She elbowed him, cocking an eyebrow at him.  “Who said married life is boring?”

Oliver laughed.  “Well, I did do this to you.”

Felicity laughed.  She could tell this freaked Oliver out, that there was a lot happening to her and there wasn’t a whole lot he could do for her to make it better.  He was working on dealing with all the guilt he internalized, and he was getting better, but the whole keep-the-baby-secret thing was a lot to work through, and it was something he blamed himself for. 

“You’re not going to go back to bed, are you?”

“No,” Oliver said, still grinning.

“At least _try_ the pickle juice.”

“No.”

“Morning sickness is a bullshit term, you know,” Felicity said.  “This is not just mornings.  Like, at all.”

“You could take a day off,” Oliver said.  They’d been doing this dance for the whole week and it always went the same way.

“No,” she said.  They both knew the reasons – one was that Felicity wanted to keep as low a profile as possible and taking days off work in the first few weeks of her new Star City PD job was not that.  Another one was that she was stubborn.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“And I like the braid,” Oliver said, noticing her hair.

“Oh yeah?” she asked, modeling it a bit.  “I got tired of trying to put my hair up while I ran in here to puke, so I did this before bed.”

Oliver frowned.

“Speaking of,” Felicity continued before Oliver could say anything.

Oliver stayed there and rubbed her back as she got sick.

**\--**

“Hey, do you need help with that?” Oliver asked that night. 

“With my hair?” Felicity asked.  She looked back at him.  “You know how to braid hair?”

“I’m good at knots.”

“This is _not_ a knot.”

“I know,” Oliver said quickly.  He sighed a bit.  “I think I know how to do braids.”

“You think?” Felicity asked, a bit of a laugh in her voice.  “Then grow your hair out again and braid that.”  Felicity had been hinting for a while that he should grow his hair out again, though she certainly didn’t mean long enough to braid.

“I’ve been reading about how to braid hair.” 

Felicity stopped and looked at him now, one hand behind her head awkwardly holding the braid together.  “You have?”

“Thea,” he began.  “Went through a really big braid phrase when we were kids.  Our parents weren’t home in the mornings and even if they were, I doubt either of them would’ve known how to do it.  So, for about a year, every day, Raisa would braid her hair before school.”

Felicity nodded, encouraging him to finish the thought.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.  “It wouldn’t take very long but it was something they did together.  Thea was pretty young so she was still actually going to school,” he laughed.  “But I remember walking past her room and Raisa would be quizzing her while she did it, or Thea would be telling her what she and her friends were planning on doing at recess.”

“Okay,” Felicity said.  “Yeah, practice on me.  But, no quizzing.”

Oliver grinned.  “No quizzing.”

Felicity undid the braid she had started and stood up straighter as Oliver stood behind her.  It had been a while since anyone had done her hair for her and it was nice.  If she was honest, it was really nice.  Oliver had played around with her hair before; it wasn’t uncommon for her to find him with his fingers running through her hair while they sat together on the couch or laid together in bed, but he’d never braided it before.

They stood there quietly as Oliver went to work.  He was concentrating and Felicity didn’t want to mess that up.

After a bit of time, he spoke.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.  “It’s not like you to turn down a quiz.”

Felicity laughed.  “I was more of an essay kind of girl.”

“Ah, of course.  So you are feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” Felicity assured him.  “How are you?”

“I’m good.”

Felicity could hear the slight edge to his voice, the one that said he was focusing.  The one that said he was afraid to mess up.

“You know, I had something of a braid phase, too,” Felicity said.  “Me and my friends in school, we got really into friendship bracelets.”

Oliver laughed.  “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Felicity said.  “And this girl Brittany, she always had all the best string and that fancy lanyard that made the good boxy ones.”

“Oh I remember those!” Oliver said through a smile.  “Laurel and Sara made them all through grade school.”

“Yeah, this was high school.”

Oliver laughed.

“I was trying to make friends and this was what they were into, in like a throwback way,” Felicity said.  “Point is, I wasn’t very good at it.”

“Come on, there’s nothing you’re not good at.”

“You’ve never seen me try to make a friendship bracelet.”

“The point is that you can’t make a friendship bracelet?”

“The point is, I wasn’t great at it but I still sat with them at lunch.”

“Ah,” Oliver said.  “I see the point.”

“I get it,” Felicity said.  “Trust me.  You think I’ve been cooking lately because I like it?”

“You’re getting better!”

“I had to google, for the fourth time, what a tartine is the other day.”

Oliver laughed.

“There are going to be nights when I cook and then are going to be mornings when you do the kids’ hair,” Felicity continued.  “But that isn’t why Raisa had that time with Thea.  She was there.  You’re going to be there, Oliver.”

Oliver finished the braid and tied it off with the hair tie Felicity had handed him. 

“All done.”

Felicity stepped over to the mirror.  The braid felt right, she couldn’t feel that it was too loose or too tight in any place or that any hair was left out.  It looked good, too.

“This is the first braid you’ve ever done?”

Oliver shrugged.  “I was studying how to do it all day.”

“This is better than the ones I’ve been doing.”

“Felicity, I’ll braid your hair whenever you want.”

She turned to him, a certain look in her eye.  “That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Really?  _That_ -?” 

His laugh was cut off by Felicity kissing him. 

“Oh, okay, I guess it was,” Oliver said when she pulled back.

“It’s definitely up there.”

Oliver smiled for a moment longer, then let it fall a bit.

“I know I’m going to be there,” he said.  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“Good,” Felicity said, smiling.  “This kid’s lucky to have you, Oliver.  Both our kids are.”

“They’re lucky to have you-.”

“We’re not talking about me,” Felicity said, letting her hands drop from being on his back to being in his hands.  “You’re a good father, Oliver.  Our family is lucky to have you.”

It was important that he understood that.  He fought his instinct to deflect it back on Felicity, to change the topic, to let the guilt creep in.  He let what she said sit.  He let himself feel it.

“Thank you.”


	3. Donna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna's in town for a visit and Felicity has some things she needs to talk to her about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This visit is alluded to in chapter one, right before they tell Diggle. So this is set around then.

It was nice to have Donna back in Star City.  Granted, she never seemed to visit without some major disaster happening so the fact that no such thing had happened yet put this visit ranked ahead of all the others already.  But still, aside from that, it was nice for Felicity to have her mother around.

It had been ages since she’d seen her.  So much had changed since then.  There was so much to talk about, and they got to most of it – they talked about Felicity’s time away, and Oliver’s time away, and their new jobs.  They talked about William, though Donna was kind enough to let the topic come up at Felicity’s own pace.  Donna could see that it was killing her daughter and son-in-law to be short a member of their family.

The mostly hung out at the apartment.  They were trying to keep a low profile anyway and Felicity had made it very clear to everyone at work that she and Oliver were not to be called upon that weekend. 

So, they stayed in.  Oliver cooked and Felicity and her mother caught up with each other.

“I’m glad things are calming down for you and Oliver,” Donna said, sat on the couch on one end with Felicity on the other. 

“Yeah,” Felicity said, picking at the hem of her sweater.  She wasn’t sure she’d call their present situation calm, but it was a different kind of hectic than was normal.

“Hey, William’s going to be able to come back before you know it,” Donna said, reaching across and putting her hand on her daughter’s knee.  It was strange, Donna was wearing a sleeveless, short dress and Felicity was wearing a large baggy sweater and that almost ended beyond her long-ish shorts.

“I know,” Felicity said.  She did believe that.  She really truly believed that she’d see William again soon.  They wanted to tell him about the baby in person – he had missed out on so much of his family, they were not going to deny another part of it to him.  But they didn’t want to tell him over the phone, which was sort of rendered a moot point by the fact that he still wasn’t answering the phone.  His grandparents weren’t either.  But Felicity was holding on to the idea that William just needed time, and Oliver agreed.  They were going to give it to him.

Felicity looked at her mother.  She had planned this day carefully for them – they were going to stay in, they were going to talk, and Felicity had one thing she needed to say and one thing she was determined not to, no matter what.  Those last two things were proving harder than she expected them to.

She sighed.

“Mom, listen,” she began, still picking at the hem of her sweater.  It was May, it was getting hot, but she was almost five months pregnant and showing and she didn’t want her mother to get any ideas.  She was used to wearing sweaters and big clothing by then, too – they were a regular part of her work wardrobe, though she was starting to get Dinah to warm up to the idea of her working remotely.  “Things are calming down, but they’re not _calm._ ”

“I know,” Donna said.  “And whatever I can do to help-.”

“No, Mom,” Felicity cut her off, knowing she was being short with her but needing to get this out.  She took a breath and tried again, letting her hand fall on her mother’s still on her knee.  “We had to let William go because it wasn’t safe for him here.  It’s not safe for our family here, not yet.”

“Okay…what, are you leaving Star City?”

“No,” Felicity said.  She didn’t want to leave Star City – it was home.  But things were different.  The idea of leaving Star City used to feel like giving up or quitting.  But it was starting to feel like maybe just an extension of her idea to work remotely.  There weren’t any concrete plans to leave Star City yet but it was…not impossible, in her opinion.  “We’ll be here, working to make it safer for everyone.”

“Good,” Donna nodded.  She could tell Felicity had something bigger to say, but she couldn’t tell what.  “So…”

“We sent William away because it wasn’t safe for him here.”

“I know.”

Donna looked past Felicity when she saw Oliver twitch.  Something was really up.

“Felicity, what’s going on?”

“We’re going to make it better,” she said.  “I swear, we’re going to make it safer, safe enough for William to come back and for you and for-.”

Felicity cut herself off, letting her words hang there for a moment because she knew she couldn’t take them back and she didn’t know how to follow them.

“For me?” Donna asked.

“Mom, I just think-.”

“Felicity, what are you trying to say?”

“It’s safer to not be in Star City.”

“You don’t want me in Star City?”

“No,” Felicity said quickly.  “That is not it.”

“Baby, I am a grown woman-.”

“Mom, I need you to trust me,” Felicity said.  “I need you to stay out of Star City for a while.  Please.”

“Honey, what is going on?” Donna asked, sliding closer to her daughter.  She noticed Felicity pulled back the slightest bit, like it was a reflex she was trying to stop. 

“I can’t really explain,” Felicity said, powering through the guilt she was feeling.  “Please, Mom, trust me on this.”

Donna looked at her daughter.  It was still sometimes hard to believe everything she’d been through, everything she’d accomplished, everything she was.  She only wanted the best for her and she believed in Felicity to find it for herself.  Even if it meant she had to do it without her mother.  Or if that was what she wanted.

“Are you safe here?” Donna asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady. 

“We’re safer than we’ve been in a while.” 

It didn’t really answer the question, but they both knew it was the best they were going to get.

“Can you come and see me?”

“Maybe,” she said, giving her mother’s hand a bit of a squeeze and putting on her best optimistic voice.

Neither of them really believed her, though.

Donna sighed a bit.  Felicity’s world had always felt so, so different from hers and it still did in a lot of ways.  But it had been a long time since Felicity had worked so hard to keep them separate.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Felicity said.  “I promise, Mom, I’m okay.  We’re okay.”

Donna exhaled deeply.  “I didn’t think this was how this trip was going to go.”

Felicity felt that wave of guilt get thicker.  It was better than the alternative though – she’d rather keep her mother in the dark and feel that guilt than tell her the truth and put her in danger.  Anyone who knew about the baby was in more danger.

“I’m sorry that this is how things are,” Felicity said.  “I really wish they weren’t.”

That was the most honest thing she’d said all day.

“Oh, I know, baby,” Donna said.  Now she held Felicity’s hand in hers.  “I may not understand everything you two get up to here, but I know you’re trying to do the right thing.”

Tears sprung to Felicity’s eyes.  She was inclined to blame it on the hormones, but she also knew that was something she’d needed to hear for a while.  She’d heard it from Oliver and Laurel to varying degrees, but she had really needed to hear it from her mother for reasons she was only just starting to really understand.

She nodded.  “Yeah,” she said quietly, wiping away the tear that fell from her eye.  This was the first time seeing her mother since she found out she was pregnant and if everything went to plan, it’d be the last time for a while.  All that was hitting her all at once, with the added heaviness of the fact that she’d spent much of the past few months thinking about her relationship with her mother and wanting desperately to share this with her.

“Felicity, you’re not okay.”

“I am.”

“What’s going on?  You said you’re safe.  Are you sick, or something?”

“No.”

Donna sighed a bit again.  She knew Felicity was hiding something, she knew something was bothering her but she knew Felicity wasn’t going to tell her.  She knew Felicity was stubborn.  So, Donna was going to try to drop it.  Felicity didn’t want to talk about it, fine.  They could talk about something else.

“You know, I thought you were inviting me out here to tell me you were pregnant,” Donna laughed a bit.

Again, Oliver moved in the kitchen.  Out of the corner of her eye Donna could see him drop the knife he was holding and catch it again just before it hit against the cutting board.

Felicity could hear her heart pounding in her ears.  This was worst-case scenario.  She didn’t want to lie to her mother about this directly; ideally, she would’ve have just found a way to dance around it for a while and avoid the topic altogether.

“What?”  She was so caught off guard, that was all she could offer.

“I know, that’s not the only news a woman can have, but can’t a girl hope?  Things finally seem more settled for you two, William’s going to come back…”  She shrugged.  Donna could see this would not be the worst time for that, now that they were living out in the open.  “Have you thought about it?”

“Mom,” Felicity cut her off.  Her mind was racing, she couldn’t find the right words to put this to rest. She blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears in check so she could get through this.  She tried again.  “Okay, listen…”

“Felicity…Oh my god, are you pregnant?”

“No,” Felicity said quickly, snatching her hand away.  She knew she was moving abruptly and speaking curtly and it was all going to freak her mother out, but the alternative was bursting into tears in front of her and a quick calculation in her head to Felicity that the latter option was worse.  “I’m not.”

She stood.

“Felicity, I’m sorry-.”

“It’s okay,” she said, already stepping away. 

“Hey, you can talk to me,” Donna said, reaching for her with a lowered voice.  “I’m sorry I brought it up, but if there’s something going on, or if something happened…Felicity, you can talk to me.”

The worse-case scenario got worse somehow.  Felicity could see her mother assuming the worst, she could see the concern and the fear in mother’s eyes, the pain at knowing her daughter was in pain and not being able to help.  Felicity had seen that look before but now she really understood it more than she ever had.  That made it worse.

“Nothing happened,” she said quickly, hoping it was believable.  She didn’t want her mother to worry about her, she didn’t want her to think something was wrong.  It wasn’t working.  “Mom, I know I can talk to you.  Thank you.  Nothing’s wrong.”

Donna looked to believe it, but still was worried.  Her guess may have been wrong but there was definitely something else up with her daughter.

“Okay…”

“I’m just going to…I’m going to just go grab something.”

Felicity clearly was on the edge of tears and not doing a great job hiding it.  She hurried off to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Donna turned to Oliver, both of them pretty stunned.

“I’m sorry, Oliver…”

‘It’s okay,” he said, quickly washing off his hands and giving Donna a supportive look before going to the bedroom.  “She’s okay.”

And so Donna was left in her daughter’s living room, wondering what the hell just happened.

**\--**

Oliver found Felicity sitting on the edge of their bed, crying hard.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly when her husband walked in.  “It’s hormones or something. I’m fine.  I just need a second.”

“Take all the time you need.”  Oliver’s voice was low and steady, but he was…not.  The sight of his pregnant wife crying like this, hiding in their room was something he wasn’t prepared for.  It broke his heart.

Felicity let out a shaky breath.  Oliver knelt in front of her, holding her hands.  That helped.

“I don’t know why this sucks so much, it’s not like I’ve never lied to her before.”

Oliver laughed a bit, knowing that would help, but still had that supportive, concerned look on his face.

“I never thought I’d lie to her about this, though,” she finished.

Oliver nodded.  He understood, they both did, why they were lying.  It didn’t make it any easier.

“It’s okay,” he said.  “It’s going to be okay.”

“She’s really freaked out,” Felicity said.  “She knows something is up.”

“We can tell her, Felicity-.”

“We can’t,” Felicity said quickly, shaking her head.  “No.  I basically told her to stay away from Star City, I can’t tell her now that this is why.  I can’t tell her that _this_ is what I’m keeping her from, I can’t…”  She wiped her eyes and felt the tears slowing down, the sadness and anger and pain being replaced with resolve.  “I can’t.  It’s out there, I made this choice.”

“We made this choice,” Oliver said gently.  “This is for the best, right?  It keeps your mom safer, it keeps the baby safer.”

Felicity nodded a few times.  “She can’t know.  I don’t know, maybe when the kid’s older and can protect their self better we can tell her.”

Oliver nodded.  “Yeah.  Of course.”

That was another unspoken thing between them.  They didn’t talk about it, because they didn’t feel like having a deadline for when this secret could be out was healthy.  They had no idea what the future held.  This was their life, this is what they committed to.  It was going to be a secret indefinitely.

But both of them let their minds wander.  Maybe when the baby was older, when they were old enough to understand the danger they were in and be able to handle it, they could meet their family.

But that line of thought very quickly devolved into recognizing the fact that it wasn’t a matter of their child ever being out of danger, but more a matter of them being able to handle it.  Then the guilt came flooding back in, and the fear and the worry and all the feelings they wanted to avoid. 

Felicity couldn’t quite manage to avoid it entirely then.  More tears fell.

“Damn it,” she muttered, wiping her eyes.  “She can’t know.  She can’t think that we don’t trust her to protect the baby or take care of them but that’s what she’s going to think-.”

“That’s not what this is,” Oliver said quickly.

It was though.  That was exactly what it was.  They both knew the baby was going to be safer with them than without them.  And it wasn’t a matter of their family and friends not being enough, because if things were different, if their lives were different, they would be more than enough.  If there wasn’t someone new trying to kill Oliver and Felicity every week, she would have told her mother the second she found out.  Hell, she’d have told Oliver the second she found out. 

But that’s not the way their lives were.

“Yeah,” she said, understanding his point but still hating the situation.  It was for the best, she knew that.  She had thought about this when she made that decision, she and Oliver talked about it, but it was still really painful.

“I’m sorry,” Oliver began, picking his words carefully.  “That this is how things are.”

“Don’t be,” Felicity said.  They both chose this.  It wasn’t something either of them needed to apologize for.

Oliver knew that, but frankly, he didn’t know what else to say.

“I can take Donna somewhere,” he tried again.  “We can go out for a little while, give you some space…”

“No,” Felicity said, wiping her eyes again.  She finally felt like she was coming down from this.  “No, it’s okay.”

“I love you, Felicity Smoak.”

She smiled a bit.  “I love you too, Oliver Queen.”

“We’re doing the right thing,” he said.  “It’s hard and it hurts but it’s the best way.”

Felicity nodded.  “I know.  Yeah.”

“And your mom is going to be okay,” Oliver said.  “She loves you.  She wants what’s best for you.  She’s a good mom, and so are you.”

Felicity laughed a bit.  “That’s not helping me stop crying, Oliver.”

Oliver smirked.  “Well, it’s true.”  He stood and kissed her forehead.  “Are you alright?”

Felicity nodded.  “Yeah.”

**\--**

Felicity managed to keep it together when she went back out to Donna.  Donna could tell something was seriously up, but she also knew it was best to drop it.  So, she made sure Felicity was okay and she dropped it. 

Felicity assured her mother that she’d still call and Facetime and things weren’t going to change too much.  They just weren’t going to see each other for a while, but they were still going to be in each other’s lives.  That was a compromise Felicity could live with.  She knew it was going to really suck to keep this hidden but it sucked more to cut her mother out entirely.  And, she knew that if she even tried to cut Donna out entirely, Donna would come back looking for a reason why.

Donna always did love a surprise visit.

The rest of their day was nice.  The storm cloud of that conversation hung over them but it got smaller and less noticeable, though Felicity wasn’t sure it was ever going to go away.  But she could live with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't love the idea of Felicity and Mia (and hopefully Oliver) living in that house away on their own, but I get it and don't really see a way around it. I did loooove that Nyssa came back, though. What did you all think?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Diggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How John Diggle knows, because there probably isn't anything that Oliver and Felicity could successfully hide from him.
> 
> Set throughout everything already written in this story, with this chapter ending with the ending scene in chapter one.

Oliver was sitting in the police station break room, glad to have a bit of time to himself.  It was still sort of new – he used to spend a lot of time alone, sure, but it was more in some sort of self-exile than in a sort of enjoyment of his own company.  He knew he was getting better, though.  He let himself feel it, for once.  He liked it.

Also, sitting alone in the back corned of the break room, he could eat his lunch in peace and do some light baby and pregnancy related research on his phone.

He was reading about what size the fetus was at various stages of development and it was blowing his mind a little bit.

He’d been following along pretty much for as long as he knew about the pregnancy and it was something of a ritual for him – on Tuesday mornings he’d look up what size the baby was that week. 

However, on this particular Tuesday, there was a surprise early morning call for the vigilante team.  He didn’t have the chance to look it up then but by now, in the afternoon after most of the regular police staff ate their lunch but before they came back in for afternoon coffee, he had some time alone to think.

It turns out that in the twelfth week, the baby is roughly the size of a plum.

“What the hell size is a plum?” Oliver muttered to himself, quickly opening another tab on his phone’s internet to look it up.  He knew he’d seen one in his life but for some reason, in that moment, he could not for the life of him remember roughly what size they were.

“Hey,” Diggle said, walking in.

“Hi,” Oliver said quickly, looking up from his phone.  He put it facedown on the table and went back to eating his lunch. 

“You’re all alone in here?”

Oliver nodded.  “Yeah, Rene went to Big Belly Burger, Dinah’s in her office, and Felicity’s in a meeting.”

“Mind some company?”

“Of course not,” Oliver said, gesturing toward the otherwise empty table and smiling a bit.

They chatted a bit while Digg pulled out his lunch.

“Do you want some?” he asked after he noticed Oliver staring.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at my lunch like it owes you money, man.”

Oliver laughed.  “No, I just…where’d you get a plum this time of year?”

“A friend at ARGUS just took a vacation to Serbia and brought them back,” John replied.  “Seriously, if you want one, I have plenty.”

“No, I’m good, thank you,” Oliver said.

He changed the subject but once Diggle started slicing up the plum, his heart stopped a little.

“Oliver.”

“Hm?  What?”

“What is up with you?”

“Nothing,” he replied quickly.  “I’m good.”

Digg, knowing Oliver well enough to kind of see what’s going on, cut the plum again and took note of Oliver’s slight grimace.

“We’ve spent all this time together and you didn’t know I was the type of person to cut up my fruit?” Diggle asked.

Oliver let out a laugh.  That wasn’t what he was expecting John to say.  “What?”

Diggle shrugged.  “It’s neater.  You don’t get juice all over your face this way.”

“Okay, John,” Oliver laughed.  They fell back into their more typical friendly conversation while Oliver silently resigned himself to not doing anymore baby research during lunch.

**\--**

Something was up with Felicity and John could tell.  She didn’t go in the field much, but she did in the old days sometimes train with team.  She wasn’t doing that anymore.  She trained a bit when they first got initiated into the police program, but the second they started sparring and Oliver started flipping people, she tapped out. 

It wasn’t any of his business; he knew Felicity could take care of herself. 

He also knew Felicity well enough to know when she was hiding something.

So, he watched for a while.  She seemed okay – in the past when she was hiding things, like when she first got in with Helix, she seemed on edge all of the time.  She was pretty on edge, but it was different.  She seemed okay, or even happy.

But something was up, and he didn’t start to figure out for a little while.

Until they were in a meeting in the bunker and it finally clicked, that is.

Dinah was letting them do things a bit more their way so they were in the bunker a lot.  He’d seen a lot of Felicity.  He had an idea of what was up and idea of why she wasn’t saying anything.

“Hey,” he said to her after Oliver headed off to another part of the bunker to shoot some arrows.

“Hey,” Felicity said, looking up at him with a grin.  “What’s up?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yep,” she said quickly, not sure where he was going.  “Are you?”

“Felicity, I know there’s something up with you.”

“What?” she asked after a second.  She had had a hand on her stomach – she hadn’t even been noticing she’d been doing it for the past few weeks, but she definitely noticed when she saw that someone else did.  She dropped her hand.

“You hurt your arm, right?”

“What?”

“I had this friend in the army who bent his elbow a weird way in training and could barely straighten it.”  He bent his arm like Felicity, a hand happening to hover over his stomach.  “He walked around like this for a week before telling anyone what was going on.”

“Oh.”

“Look, I know we all have these new jobs right now but if you’re hurt, you can tell us.”

“I know,” Felicity said.  “I uh, I don’t think I realized how bad it was.  I think I was just waiting for it to get better on its own.”  She stretched her arm out and bent it a few times for good measure.

“You seem like you’re doing better.”

Felicity gave him a look.  “Yeah, I am.  It seems like things are good for everyone, right?”

John nodded.  “Yeah, things are good.”

Felicity nodded.  “Good.”

“Felicity-.”

“I was talking to Oliver the other day, and now seems like a good time for a fresh start.”

John nodded.  “Yes, it does.”

“So…”  Felicity stood up a bit straighter.  The three of them had been through a lot, both as a group of three and as any other groups made of that three.  Specifically, she and John had had a more tumultuous relationship in the past year than they’d ever had before.  “So let’s do that.”

John smiled a bit.  They’d talked some about what had gone on between them, they’d apologized some too.  But there was a lot there.  They were on somewhat shaky ground, and neither of them wanted to be.

“Let’s,” John agreed.  “For what it’s worth, I think you two are on a good path.  This thing with the SCPD, I really think it’s going to work out.”

“Yeah,” Felicity agreed.  “So do I.”

“The three of us, we’re a family,” John said.  “We’re going to be here for each other no matter what.  I’m so-.”

“I’m so happy we all have each other, too,” Felicity finished for him.  She didn’t want apologies, she didn’t want to open these wounds that were healing. 

John nodded.  “So I am.”

He was all for not opening old wounds, too.  He knew where he stood with Felicity, and so did she – they were family.  It would take them doing way worse than they’ve already done to really break their relationship.

Felicity was looking at him in a weird way, though.  He could read her.  He knew she could read him.  There was something else she wanted to say, something she didn’t want him to ask about.  She was conflicted.

“If you want a rehab partner, I’m around,” he settled on.

She smiled.  “Thank you, John.”

She stepped toward him and hugged him.  It was nice.  Felicity was like a little sister to him and it was good to have the somewhat jagged gap between them lately finally closed.

**\--**

“Okay, it’s Friday, so what are we doing tonight?” Rene asked one night a few weeks later in the bunker.

Felicity laughed.  “Rene, we just pulled off a raid of the biggest drug lab in Star City.  Maybe we’ve had enough fun for the night.”

“I’m with Rene, let’s live a little,” Dinah said.  “Have you guys ever been to Shaw’s?”

“That cop bar?” Oliver asked.

Dinah shrugged.  “You’ve been on the team for two months.  I think it’s official, you’ve earned your spot at Shaw’s.  Come on, first round’s on me.”

“I’m in,” Rene said.

“Sure, why not,” Diggle said.  He had been to Army bars on and off throughout his adult life; if he was being honest, he kind of missed the camaraderie of it.

Oliver looked to Felicity.

“I’m out, sorry,” Felicity said.  “I’ve got some work I have to do.”

“Yeah, my bow felt a little off tonight.  I’m going to make some adjustments then take an early night.”

“Come on, hoss-.”

“If anyone else wants their gear touched up, I can get to it,” Oliver said, standing.

Dinah nodded.  “Alright, let’s go.  See you guys in the office.”

“Bye,” Oliver said, smiling a bit.

“See you,” Felicity agreed.

“Actually, I’ll meet you guys there,” Diggle said, nodding to Rene and Dinah.  They shrugged and left.

It was just Diggle, Oliver, and Felicity left on the platform in the bunker.

“It’s so weird how much it feels like the old days and how much it…doesn’t,” Felicity said, getting a bit of a laugh from both men.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine Oliver Queen, his driver, and his IT girl walking into Shaw’s,” Diggle laughed.

“Bodyguard,” Oliver corrected.  “And IT expert.”

“Did you know about it when he first came to me?” Felicity asked, spinning her chair toward Diggle.  “He walked in with a laptop full of bullet holes and had the nerve to say he just spilled his latte on it.”

Diggle laughed.  “I don’t get how it took _six years_ for anyone to out you, Oliver.”

Oliver laughed.  “There were a few close calls.”

“Hey, do you need a hand with the gear?” Digg asked.

“No, I’m good,” Oliver said.  “Go on, go to the bar.  Have fun.”

“Dinah’s right, you know.  We’ve earned this.”

“I know,” Oliver said.  “I do actually want to touch up my bow, though.”

“Oh,” Diggle said.  He stood up from the railing he was leaning against.  “Okay.”  He looked over at Felicity.

“I actually have work, too…”

“Right,” Diggle said.  “Okay.  Have a good night, then.”

“You too,” Oliver said warmly, and Felicity chimed in with a similar sentiment.

Diggle went to leave, but his phone rang so he stopped and read it.

“Shit.”

“What?” Oliver asked.

“Lyla and I have tickets to this thing tomorrow and our sitter just bailed.”

“We can do it,” Oliver said instantly, getting a look from both Felicity and John.

“No, it’s okay,” John said.

“No, really,” Oliver said.  “We don’t have plans tomorrow, do we?”

“No,” Felicity said, nodding. “Yeah, we can totally watch JJ.”

“Are you sure?” Diggle asked.  “I don’t want you guys to give up your Saturday night.”

“Totally sure,” Felicity said.

“Yeah,” Oliver agreed.  “We could use the practice.”

Felicity cleared her throat pointedly.

“I mean, experience,” Oliver said.  He looked from Felicity back to Diggle.  “There’s that event coming up, right?  Where the school kids visit the police station and we show them around.”

Diggle looked both of them with that look that said he knew they were up to something.  Felicity was now hiding her glare at Oliver and trying to put on an innocent face, and Oliver was blushing just the smallest amount.

“Okay,” he agreed finally.  “Sure.  Can you come around 6?”

“Absolutely,” Oliver said, nodding along with Felicity.

Diggle nodded, too.  “Okay, see you then.”

“See you.”

“Have fun!”

Diggle left and as soon as the elevator doors closed, Felicity spun to Oliver.

“That was smooth.”

**\--**

The babysitting went well.  John and Lyla’s date went well, too.  They were all back at work a few days later and everything was back in that new normal.

Everything except Felicity.

“Seriously, you can go home,” Oliver said quietly as he stood next to her desk in the police station.

She looked pretty green but also somehow very pale.

“Nope, I’m good,” she said. 

“Felicity…”

“I’m fine,” she said.  “I’ve been at this for months.”

“This is worse than it’s been.”

“It’s just because we worked late last night,” Felicity said.

“All the more reason to take some time off today.”

“I just need another hour or two on this code I’m writing, okay?” Felicity said.  It was a program she’d written so that police computer systems could be available remotely and securely.  It was part of her plan to warm Dinah up to the idea of her working from home more.  She was working on installing it, but the police system constantly proved to be more archaic than she expected.

“And then home?”

“Hey,” Diggle said, suddenly standing pretty close behind them.  Both Oliver and Felicity looked up at him and neither of them seemed too thrilled that any of them were there.  “Am I interrupting something?”

“Nope, just work,” Felicity said.  “Oliver, don’t you have work to do?”

He rolled his eyes a little bit.

“What’s up, John?”

“Dinah wanted me to drop this off,” John said, handing a file to Felicity. 

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay?” John asked.

“Yep,” Felicity said pointedly.

“I heard there’s a flu going around the station,” Diggle said.  “It’s already taken out three uniformed officers.”

“There’s a flu going around,” Oliver said, making a point. 

Felicity ignored it.

“I do not have the flu,” she said.  “I am fine.”  To prove her point, she took a candy off her desk and popped it in her mouth.

“Oh, are those those ginger things?” Diggle asked.  “Lyla used to love those.”

“Yeah, I found them way in the back of your cabinet the other day,” Felicity said.  “They’re really good, I bought some online.”

“You should’ve taken all the ones your found at our place, Lyla hasn’t had them…” he cut himself off.  The puzzle pieces were falling into place in his head.  Lyla hadn’t had those since she was pregnant, she swore they were the only thing that made her nausea better.

Oliver getting freaked out by that plum all those weeks ago.  It reminded him of a time when Lyla was pregnant and he made the mistake of watching cooking shows while researching the baby.  Just when he was getting used to the idea that their baby was the size of an avocado, he saw someone cut up and mash an avocado on screen and resigned to take some time off from cooking shows until the baby was born.

“She hasn’t had them in years,” Diggle finished.

Felicity was busy typing, but she was still doing that thing with her arm at other times.  She did it less, but she still did it, especially when there was some heightened danger.  He figured it had something to do with her mentally relating their job with her injury, but now he was thinking she wasn’t actually injured at all.

“Well, they’re great,” Felicity said, still on edge.  “Highly recommend.”

The three of them were never really the go-to-bars type, but they were the drink-in-the-bunker type.  Now that he was thinking about it, John realized they hadn’t done that at all since they’d been back in the bunker.

He spent six years working alongside Felicity and there was never a mug of coffee far from her workspace.  There wasn’t one in sight now.

She and Oliver had been pretty keen on getting practice with JJ.

John could understand them not telling him she was pregnant.  He could hardly blame them, anyway – he took his time before he told them about Lyla.  Their lives were scary and it was complicated to bring a baby in to all that.

He couldn’t believe it.  These two people that he had seen grow so much, who he loved so much, he was pretty sure they were having a baby.

Felicity looked up and John was looking at her with a weird look.

“Is there something else?”

“No!  No,” John said.  “Do you need anything?”

“A little space would be nice.”  She sighed.  “I’m sorry.  These ancient computers are kicking my ass today.  No, I’m good.  Thank you.”

“Okay,” John nodded.  “I’ll see you guys later.”

**\--**

Spring and warmer weather had arrived in Star City and Felicity was still insisting on wearing tons of sweaters.  Now that John had this theory, so many things about her and Oliver made so much more sense.

“Well, this was a job well done,” John announced one night when it was just him, Felicity, and Oliver in the bunker after a mission.  “Oliver, how about we break out that vodka again?”

“You guys go ahead,” Felicity said.  “I ate something earlier that is not going to agree with vodka.”

She gave Oliver a bit of a sly look and he winked back.

“Do any of us really agree with vodka?” he asked.

“One way to find out,” Felicity said.

Oliver smiled a bit.  “Yeah, I’ll go get it.”

He and John drank.

**\--**

John didn’t want to freak them out.  They had a secret, fine.  He knew the way their lives were, none of them could really have secrets that the others didn’t know.  But this was maybe an exception.  At least, it was one he was okay with pretending not to know.  They didn’t want him to know, fine.  But he did and he couldn’t unknow.  He just had to be sure he knew for sure what he didn’t know.

“I’m making a coffee run,” he announced one early morning a few weeks later while the team was working.  They were making plans for a raid but it was tricky and they’d been at it for a while.  It was a good time for a break.  “Any takers?”

“I’ll take a tea, please,” Felicity said, her tone sounding the slightest bit annoyed and sad.

Oliver stifled a laugh and she gave him a look.

“I’ll have a tea, too.  Thanks, John.”

John took the rest of the coffee orders and headed out.

**\--**

He told himself he needed to know.  It was strange, this was something they obviously wanted to hide.  And now that he had an idea of what it was, now that he knew it was a good thing, an important thing, something that went beyond their jobs and their missions, he felt a little strange digging into it.

But he knew that this meant that they were eventually going to be unavailable in at least some way.  When JJ was born, John took some time off.  He knew Felicity was going to and he knew Oliver deserved to.  He knew about this secret, he was going to do his best to make sure they got the time they needed.

“Hey,” he said to Oliver and Felicity over lunch one day.  “You guys ever think about taking a vacation?”

Oliver and Felicity exchanged a look. 

“I don’t know,” Oliver said.  “We’re still pretty new to working with the police.”

“You deserve a break,” John said.  “You two have been doing this pretty much nonstop for years.  We’ve got support now.  We’ve got paid time off now!”  He shrugged.  “Might as well use it.”

Again, Felicity and Oliver exchanged a look.

“Maybe in a few months,” Felicity said.  “I don’t know maybe…September?  Aren’t flights supposed to be super cheap in September?”

Oliver nodded.  “Yeah, I think so.  It’s after the summer but before the holidays.”

Felicity nodded.  “That’s a good time.  Yeah, maybe, John.  Maybe we will.”

He wasn’t going to make them tell him, he wasn’t going to ask.  But they were family, and he was going to do anything he could to help them protect theirs.

He knew Oliver had a penchant for guilt and Felicity had a penchant for overworking.  He didn’t need them to tell him, but he did need them to know that things would be okay if they left.  When they left.

**\--**

“You excited for your mom to come to town?” John asked the night before Donna came in.

“That’s one word for it,” Felicity said.  She sighed a bit.  “I haven’t seen her in a while.  It’ll be nice to.”

“Well, we’ve got everything under control here.”  Felicity and Oliver had made it very clear that they were completely out of the office this weekend.  John knew they could use some reassurance that that was actually going to work.

“Thanks, John.”

“You two deserve a life outside this team.”

Felicity looked up at him.  John had been a little different lately.  It wasn’t something she could really put a finger on – he’d always been kind, he’d always been supportive.  It was all dialed up just a bit more lately, though.

“Hey, so do you.”

“I know,” John said.  He grabbed his bag, done packing up his work for the day.  “Have a good one, Felicity.”

“You too, John.”

**\--**

The day they came back to work after Donna’s visit was surprisingly not busy.  The usual chaos of Star City held off enough over the weekend and then some, carrying over into the week.

Oliver and Felicity kept to themselves, doing their work and doing it quietly.

To anyone but Diggle, they seemed the same.  But Diggle could see something was wrong.  It took them an extra fraction of a second to smile, or to laugh, especially Felicity.  Oliver kept more of an eye on her than usual.

It finally clicked for Diggle – he knew Felicity had been pregnant for a while.  He figured she was past the three months most people usually wait to tell people.  He figured they weren’t going to tell him.

It hadn’t occurred to him before that they weren’t going to tell Donna.

The thought of it made him sad.  He understood, he did, the desire to keep it quiet.  He knew the danger of living this life and having a kid, and he knew Oliver and Felicity knew it, too.

But Diggle did tell people.  He knew he wasn’t as much of a target as Oliver was, as Felicity was for being with him, as William was because of who his father was.  He didn’t often think about the weight of all that because he knew it was heavy.

But Diggle, he had his friends.  He and Lyla didn’t have much family, but their friends, that family, they knew.  That made the fear a bit less intense.

**\--**

Diggle decided to give them some time.  Obviously whatever happened with Donna was intense, but maybe they just needed some time to deal with it and it would get better.

But they didn’t really get better.  The days went on and they were still living under a dark cloud.  The rest of the team was starting to notice.

Diggle had spent a lot of his career calculating risk.  He knew that Oliver and Felicity wanted to keep this secret and he could see why.  But it was weighing on them and it was more likely than ever to get out.  He thought he should do something.

“Hey Lyla?” he asked, walking into their room.  “Do you think we’re going to need those old baby clothes?”

Lyla looked up at him.  “I don’t know, Johnny.  Do you want us to need them?”

John hadn’t realized how his question sounded.  “Oh.  I don’t know.  Do you?”

“No,” Lyla said quickly and with a laugh.

John smiled.  “Then I don’t either.”

“So, why do you ask?”

“I was thinking about donating them,” he said.  “All the baby stuff is just in the spare closet, taking up space.”

“Okay, sure,” Lyla shrugged.  “Might as well.”

“Okay.  I’ll drop it off after work tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

**\--**

Digg stood outside the door to Oliver and Felicity’s apartment, sure that no one saw him and nothing in the boxes could be seen.

He still felt a little nervous.  He thought he was doing the right thing, he thought he needed to let his closest friends know that they did have people they could trust with this, that they weren’t alone.  That’s what the three of them did for each other.

He knocked on the door.

“Hey, John,” Oliver said, opening the door and surprised to see him in his doorway.  “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I’m sorry to surprise you,” he said.  “I thought it best we keep this meeting off the record.”

Felicity had been working on her laptop at the kitchen counter.  She looked over at Digg.

“Is everything okay?”

He nodded.  “Can I come in?”


End file.
